I started writing when I was a little girl. My stories were very, very short, but I had a great time writing them. I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. There were other jobs I wanted to do too — accountant, schoolteacher, interior decorator, project manager — but the one job I wanted most was being an author.
Ten years later, my dream came true!
I submitted book after book to agents and publishers, but got nowhere fast. I was very disappointed, but not for long because then I discovered the world of self-publishing! It gave me the freedom to publish whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. The downside? Self-publishing meant I was in charge of not only writing, but also book covers, blurbs, editing, proofreading, and what many writers dread…marketing!
Eager to write lots of genres, and not wanting to be tied down, I decided to write under several pen names: Zhané White (dark fantasy, science fiction and horror), Zada Green (self-help, non-fiction and women’s fiction), Zuni Blue (children’s non-fiction and fiction), and Zia Black (crime and thrillers). Publishing books in four of the biggest genres (crime, thrillers, sci-fi, and fantasy) guaranteed success. What could possibly go wrong?
Everything.
My Zuni Blue pen name plodded along, but the others flopped hard. While Zuni gained readers, the other pen names sank deeper and deeper into obscurity. Their reviews were few and far between. When they did come, they were bad. Really bad. While Zuni got mostly 4 or 5 stars a book, the other pen names got 1 or 2 stars…or no reviews at all.
A decade went by. I published fewer and fewer books over time, embarrassed by the lack of sales. Eventually I treated my adult pen names like they didn’t exist. Secretly I hoped that readers would find my adult books and tell everyone about them. Then my sales would skyrocket, transforming my life overnight. I’d be rich, famous, and so happy…
That never happened.
For twelve years, I waited for my sales to take off, but they didn’t. My Zuni Blue pen name had a steady trickle of sales over the years, but my adult sales were stuck at zero. Could I fix this?
I tried doing what authors usually suggest: new covers, new blurbs, new prices, new books, new adverts. Nothing worked. It didn’t make any difference. Why? Because the stories weren’t good enough.
In 2024, for various reasons, I hit rock bottom. Down and depressed, I finally accepted that I had failed at publishing. What should I do next?
Make an important decision.
Choice 1: Keep waiting!
I could keep trying to sell my books, waiting longer and longer for them to take off. Someday the right reader would find my books and make them go viral. Then all the hard work and patience would finally pay off.
Choice 2: Reboot!
It would be tough and take several years, but I could rewrite each story, update covers, redo blurbs, try different pricing, and market like crazy. Maybe the books would start selling more?
Choice 3: Move on.
Twelve years after I started publishing, I accepted defeat and moved on. In 2024, I unpublished and delisted twenty-one books. It was nerve-wracking and heart-breaking. I remembered all the time spent designing covers, writing blurbs, choosing prices, formatting paperbacks, studying marketing books, and more.
Seeing the books leave the world made me feel…good. I felt at peace. It was a relief to admit that they didn’t work out. I didn’t have to change their covers again, rewrite their blurbs again, change prices up and down again. I was finally free to move on with my life and accept that those books didn’t need to exist.
But some books had promise…
I read the tiny amount of reviews I’d gotten and figured out which books had been well-received despite flopping. This was invaluable feedback. Now I could clearly see, and accept, what went wrong, for example, some stories had fallen apart at the end. Other stories had a great premise, but poor execution. With new covers, new blurbs and, most importantly, new writing, those promising books might do better…
for a righteous man falls seven times and rises up again;
but the wicked are overthrown by calamity.Proverbs 24:16
I finally had clarity. It was like God had given me permission to let go and leave behind lots of baggage. A heavy weight had lifted off my shoulders. I was free!
After more thought, I realised that my flop books weren’t the only excess baggage I had. Another heavy burden was having four pen names. They had four websites, four social media pages, four email accounts, four author pages, etc, but only one name was doing okay: Zuni Blue, my children’s pen name.
What if I published all my books under one pen name? No, I had to keep the adult and children’s books separate. Okay, I could keep one adult pen name and publish all my adult books under that name. Great! Now I had to choose between the three remaining pen names: Zhané White, Zada Green, and Zia Black. Which one would stay and which two would go?
Time to say goodbye.
Choosing which pen name to save wasn’t hard. I’d already decided to stick with my favourite genres: crime, mystery, thriller, and suspense. The pen name Zada Green didn’t suit those genres. It sounded too bubbly and bright. The pen name Zhané White was also a bad idea. It caused problems from the start because it was spelt with an accent: é. Many websites didn’t accept the accent, so sometimes I had to spell Zhané like Zhane instead.
So, the Zada Green and Zhané White pen names were eliminated. That left Zia Black. It was perfect. The name suited crime, mystery, thriller, and suspense. Zia Black was easy to spell and remember. There were no accent issues.
I decided to continue on with just two pen names: Zia Black and Zuni Blue, but there was a problem. I couldn’t delete Zia Black’s old books from the author page. Forever, my new books would be tied to the old ones. My new books, including Christian stories, would be tied to some graphically violent stories I didn’t like anymore. When I imagined my fellow Christians reading those stories, I felt uncomfortable, uneasy. That’s when I made another important decision: the Zia Black pen name had to go, too.
Have no fellowship with the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather even reprove them.
Ephesians 5:11
What pen name should I choose, then? Looking over my old books, I remembered that there were Zhané White and Zia Black stories I wanted to reboot. That gave me an idea. What if I merged the pen names Zhané White and Zia Black?
Zia White was born!
And just like that, I was ready to lay Zia Black, Zada Green and Zhané White to rest. I felt great sadness because three dreams had just died, but there was hope. Some of those old books would live on through the new pen name, Zia White. The other stories would be gone forever.
Things would be different this time. Now I had thirteen years’ knowledge and experience to work with. I finally knew how to market and when to cut my losses. I knew what great covers and blurbs looked like. Now I knew about the power of free books and mailing lists. If my 2012 self had known all this, things may have been different. I could’ve been a bestseller with millions in the bank, major movie deals, video game adaptions, and fans begging for sequels, prequels and spin-offs…
For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what will a man give in exchange for his life?
Matthew 16:26
I didn’t succeed and that’s okay. When I was saved by Lord Jesus Christ, I realised that I didn’t need billions in the bank or adoring fans screaming my name. I only needed God. With His support, I realised that my “flop” books weren’t such a failure after all. Each story was valuable practice. They helped me become a better writer, which meant that someday I could produce well-written Christian stories to spread the gospel and salvation.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom can be no variation, nor turning shadow.
James 1:17
Writing is my God-given gift. Why shouldn’t I use it to praise and bring glory to God? He was tortured to death to pay the price for my sins. Writing stories that glorify Him is the least I can do.
I wouldn’t be here without Him.
At this time, I, Zia, have not published books (See if that’s changed by clicking here!). I have three stories in the works.
God has given me the chance to start again. Thank You, God. You stopped me when I wanted to quit writing and publishing. You gave me the ability to write and edit, two skills that bring me great joy. I look forward to using these skills to spread the gospel in Your name, the gospel that grants us eternal life with You and saves us from eternal death in Hell.
that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes resulting in righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in him will not be disappointed.”
For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, and is rich to all who call on him. For, “Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
Romans 10:9-13
Amen.